My life After everything....

So here we are....

The final steps for my Dad's business to be closed are almost complete. It's such a heart ache. I still find myself a bit angry at him for not going to the doctor. If he did, he might've been around for 20 years more or so. But no... He had to be a stubborn ass Italian and choose to die instead. (Still grieving apparently).

But as it all comes to an end, I can't help myself to be wanting everything to be as it was again (Not talking about my ex goddess forbid). I just wish my Dad was still here. I always went to him for questions I knew he had the answers to. Sometimes I swear I see signs from him everywhere... I know my mom does too.... Wednesday after work, my mom was still heartbroken about everything going on, not to mention the dumb asses who won't let her have peace... I felt so bad. I have no idea what to tell my mom to make her feel better about anything. None of us have the answers. But as I was driving down 101 North, a bus in my review mirror had the words in the marquee spell "SORRY." For a minute I thought that was my Dad saying sorry for all that's happened... I'd like to have thought it was him speaking to me. then as the bus passed me it read... "Sorry, out of service." I teared up a little in the car because I'm just so frustrated with everything. My whole family has gone through hell and nobody will let me or my mom breathe! In a way, it will be good when the business is done with, in a way, it won't be. I have to look for another job, and I'm a bit frightened I won't find the one I want because I need to renew my license by Decemeber 3rd... maybe I worry too much?

In the mean time, I found a new hobby that's keeping me quite busy. Kandi making (or beading if you want to get technical). It has become a favorite hobby of mine aside from photography. I just love seeing the different patterns come together to make something beautiful. And the funnest part is when I get to give them away to people who will like them. It's kept my mind off of things that are currently happening right now. I also noticed a majority of the people on my Facebook do Kandi as well! and they have made extraordinary patterns by far! I hope to be a part of a kandi making party sometime soon. Maybe get a few pointers.

Life at home as been utterly serene. Despite the fact that I don't necessarily admire our neighbors (Because they are always loud all the time and play loud trumpet mexican music. and sorry if that sounded racist, but that's what they play). Despite that, Life is beautiful. I love my life at home. I always found myself dreading going home to negativity, screaming and pure depression, Now I come home to smiles and happy vibes. It's amazing. Not to mention, My honey's helped me blossom even more to the person I wanted to be. I'm more social now and I'm not afraid to talk to people anymore. I still get iffy sort of around big crowds, but I'm learning to over come that.

I've also been shown some new genres of music which I'm just falling head over heels for... Combichrist is just eargasms all day long in my car. Headhunterz is just hella fun to dance to, and K12, omg K12 is sick! Speaking of music.... I went to lupin lodge for the first time with my honey and a couple friends, and there was the first time I ever had the guts to dance in front of people! Didn't care who was watching! That's how I always wanted to feel! Just be myself and not care what anyone thinks.... It's a beautiful feeling.

Aside from my job problem, I'm so happy with where my life is now... I have no regrets for the decisions I made to leave my ex, in fact, it probably was the best thing I had ever done. Because Now look where I am at? I'm no longer afraid. And I'm just blooming out of my shell! Thanks to my baby. Life is good!