It's been Awhile...

I've been hella busy. Most of all with my poi practice. I've come so far since last November. Starting Poi has made me realize I want to do this for the rest of my life. I finally started taking physical classes in San Francisco, Instead of just video lessons.. both help, But hands on teaching helps me better :) I simply love how much it makes me feel. The "Flow" as most call it... is something I've never experienced before until I started learning how to spin poi. I eventually want to work my way up to a real poi performer, fire dancer, however you wish to call it.
If that's to be my life.. it would be awesome, though I don't expect it to be my main source of income... I imagine it would be nice to do on the side for performances.

I also started taking up sewing again... I've been sewing a lot of throw pillows for the house.. A lot of trippy/hippy chill pillows. The house is looking amazing because of them! I also want to take a 4 session class in a couple months to learn how to sew my own clothes! ie flow pants. I've been inspired to make my own clothes by my Teacher. But not just because of that... I feel that when I do spin poi, I want to own a look, a look that screams "THIS IS ME!" and I feel that no stores in person or stores online are going to have what I'm looking for... Not to mention, I also want my outfits to be very personalized... So I'm hoping to start that project soon as well!

I've gotten back into painting. Brett's mom gave me a beautiful 6' tall easel that looks dreamy! I've been having so much fun with all sizes of canvas'. Brett has stirred up my creativity. And I've been having the time of my life with him. I've never had so many people say "You guys look so cute together." It's strange for me, because I have never heard that before. Life with him is so fun and freeing. I wish I could've met him 5 years ago.

We are like best friends.. we talk a lot, go places together.... Watch a lot of interesting documentaries... We've even been re-decorating our house together... Kind of getting sick of San Jose... Hope to move to Berkeley Or San Francisco Soon. That's where most of our friends are.

So we are in the month Of May almost... And yes.... I still think of Kovu and my Dad. last month and a half I've been terribly sad inside... April 6th passed, and that means it's been a year since my Daddy left us.... But lately.. me and Brett have been watching a lot of Documentaries that involve life after death and whats on the other side. You can choose to believe what you will about that subject... all I know is.. I'm no longer afraid to die, and I'm finding it hard these days to be sad that my Dad is gone, I feel enlightened knowing he's in a much better place and off somewhere beautiful and free. My only sadness is I won't see him for a while. But I know he's there waiting. :) I also know he's stopping in to say hi to my mom and me.. my mom lives in Sonora... and she says she can smell his old spice cologne out of no where sometimes... I smelled him the other day in my home in San Jose.

Life is simply amazing right now! It's a great and exciting time to be alive! Brett and I also got introduced to a concept called the "Flower of Life" I urge you to look that up! Our Friend Evan said his girl Memory told him about it, and then showed us what it was. I've been fascinated ever since!

How's my Weight managment? Well, I'm still in the 150's. I've been going crazy with carbs the last couple months because of my emotions.. but finally got back on the wagon a week ago. I've been drinking my protein drinks, taking my vitamins, and eating a lot of homemade salads and cream soups. As far as exercise I need to start getting on yoga... but for now, poi and dancing is what I do. lol. I do take walks occasionally with Brett, Which are so nice :)

I'll try and update on here more when I have more to talk about. That's all for now! :D

After 2010

My Baby Kovu. I still can't believe he left us on November 16th. Worse yet, He died in my lover's arms while we were rushing to get him help at the vet hospital. I still think about him and wish he could've stayed a bit longer. I wouldn't be doing so good if it weren't for my Boyfriend and most loving soul, Brett. I'd be doing so much worse if it weren't for him... But I know life goes on.. I'm just trying to figure out how to do that everyday. With my Dad dying, my dog dying... Life seems a bit hard to handle right now.

But I feel like my dad is watching me somehow.. He's giving messages to me letting me know he's keeping an eye out for me. So... With a simple R.I.P. Kovu, my Beloved Kovu.... I move on to say what's been going on in my life....


We've been doing our best to ensure that our pup Funji has been spoiled rotten... Trying to live without regret is hard. Poor thing didn't take it so well when she knew Kovu wasn't coming back. She hid under furniture, in the closet... And just started crying... Yes this is my dog we're talking about. Strange thing is, she stopped doing all of this, when we brought kovu's urn home... Animals are just like people believe it or not. I love her though. She's our little baby.


Still practicing poi. Especially LED poi... It's become an interest and passion of mine... I've never been so intrigued with such an art. I'm still learning though, and I'm not exactly good at it, but a lot of people say that it's a form of mobile meditation and can reduce stress. Not to mention is a great exercise! When you're experience a state of peace or feel like you're in tune with your self and are experiencing a sense of wonder while spinning poi, Some say this is YOU in the "FLOW" a state of flow, from what I've been told is where "you" ends, and that which is not "You" Begins.

It's an interesting concept. But it's one I like to follow. I'm currently writing more thoughts and feelings in my Book of Shadows/Flow journal.. I think it's helping me stay sane a little bit.. Though my boyfriend is helping me tremendously by being so supportive of me. I love him.. Still can't believe I have someone like him...




But I'm still dealing with inner demons... One's that just won't seem to go away with any type of meditation, calming music, or any type of healing structure.. I'm still bothered very much that I'm married to some immature disorganized child. I was made to believe that my surgery (gastric bypass) destroyed me mentally, and that's why I am the way I am. I was made to believe that everything is fine... and that I just need to seek marriage counseling or some sort of therapy BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM RIGHT!?!?!!!

WRONG! How could you be so sick and make someone believe that the help they were trying to seek, destroyed them? How on earth can you say? That when I was 275lbs. obese, that this surgery destroyed my mind, when it in fact made me lose an insane amount of weight, help me gain confidence... and finally let me come out of my shell and be who I want to be?!?!? HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!?!?! HOW!?!?!?!

I'll tell you why... Because my soon-to-be-ex Husband.... Was jealous.... was insecure... completely uninformed at how beautiful this medical procedure is. It gave me a brand new life... I can't say it gave me my life back, because I grew up fat, and felt I didn't have a life to begin with... Weight loss Surgery... made me turn from caterpillar to butterfly!

I think it's cruel of a human being to try and make someone think they are sick in the head with confusion. You made me believe that this chance that my parents gave me was false. But here is the truth, You're a liar, you're selfish and you care about nobody but yourself...

When I needed someone the most to comfort me to be there for me (WHEN I WAS THERE FOR YOU IN ALL YOUR UNSPEAKABLE SITUATIONS!) You weren't there for me! If you want to point fingers, point them at yourself, You were a terrible boyfriend, fiancee, and Husband.... I tried so hard to believe someone like you can change. You even promised me you would after all you put me through, and I believed you, But no.. You didn't change... You were a control freak.. Telling me I couldn't go to college... telling me I couldn't do this or that... What right do you have???

I saw your FB months ago.... "I'll celebrate with a glass of wine the day she ruins her tummy tuck."

"I heard something on the radio today and wanted to tell Darcy about it... Then I realized I was thinking about her, I couldn't help but cry."

So you can cry? You can actually produce tears? You're human? Who would've thought? And who would've thought you missed me? Why? If I'm so horrible? If I'm a C***, a Wh*re... Why miss me?? OH I see why... because you actually realize that I was a good person to you.. I cared for you and pampered you like a baby... because that's what you acted like! a baby!

"I'll stop treating you like a child when you stop acting like one." ~SB

Just FYI never tell a 23 year old woman that she is acting like a child... That was the last straw for me and what made me leave you upon everything else you did to me.

If only you could see me now... If only you could see the love of my life... Too bad you weren't mature enough to stay civil, you might've learned a thing or two from my boyfriend and how to act like a gentleman.

He knows how to treat a girl. Just saying.

So with all that being said... Even though I know you get $11,000.00 from your GI Bill, and I know you're a cheapskate and refuse to pay for divorce.. Don't worry.. I'll be the mature adult here... And when I get money from my tax return, I'll pay for the divorce, and I'll drop you like a bad habit and be free from you.

Exercise: Poi Dancing and other things to babble about

Yes, I play with my balls. There I said it! It would be pretty strange yet scary to admit, but I think I'm turning into a bit of a hippy. I bought a Namaste wallet, along with fingerless gloves. Went to a Burner party in San Francisco (After party for burning man) and Fell in love with the art of POI.... I won't go into detail of what Poi is so you should google it! lol All I will tell you is, It's a form of dance. An Art. A mobile version of meditation. It's a way of expressing one's self. It relieves stress. IT HELLA BURNS CALORIES! A lot of benefits you reap when you learn about poi.

I've been learning how to Poi spin for about a week now. And I am just in love with it. It's very fun with fast music or calming music. The popular kind of Poi is fire poi. But I am not ready to play with fire yet, So LED poi will do just fine!




I've been learning how to spin Poi on youtube, as well as expertvillage.com . Type in Poi and you get a range of free tutorials on how to. Only a few words can describe how this new love intrigues me. It makes me feel free. It makes me feel sexy. It makes me feel graceful. I feel like I'm bringing my spirit out and you can see my spirit in the Poi.

Though, Right now, I'm not that good at it. I look like a robot rotating wheels. I eventually want to get good enough to be able to dance with poi and make it look even more fun. I try to dance a little lol. How do you thank someone for bringing your artistic side out? How do you thank someone for helping you discover who you are and who you want to be? If you've been on my facebook, You know who I'm talking about. I dont' have the words or the way to show how thankful I am for someone letting me be who I am. For letting me be ME. Before August 2010, I felt like I wasn't even human. Just some sort of lifeform that did nothing with her life. Simply existed. I still felt that way even after I lost the weight! I think it's because, when I lost the weight, I expected everything to work FOR me. Instead of me doing it. But I realize now, That the journey doesn't end when you lose the weight. It's only JUST beginning. I lost the weight, now the real journey begins.... The journey of finding myself and becoming who I WANT TO BE. Who knew that simply falling in love with someone could change all that.

Poi is just more than a new fun exercise to me. It's something that's making me realize that there is so much more to this world that I don't even know about, And It's helping me discover new places, new events, new and amazing people with amazing hearts and minds. I never knew how enjoyable life on this earth could be until I met the love of my life. Everyday that I wake up, and I have the chance to love, to live and to learn.... I'm immensely grateful for.

This post is VERY mushy gushy and Hippy. But I did say this is a journey of a Roux En Y'er who is living life to the fullest. Losing weight, Finding love... Can do amazing things for your mind body and soul. What a life. WHAT A LIFE!

To see how I'm doing at Poi click here

My life After everything....

So here we are....

The final steps for my Dad's business to be closed are almost complete. It's such a heart ache. I still find myself a bit angry at him for not going to the doctor. If he did, he might've been around for 20 years more or so. But no... He had to be a stubborn ass Italian and choose to die instead. (Still grieving apparently).

But as it all comes to an end, I can't help myself to be wanting everything to be as it was again (Not talking about my ex goddess forbid). I just wish my Dad was still here. I always went to him for questions I knew he had the answers to. Sometimes I swear I see signs from him everywhere... I know my mom does too.... Wednesday after work, my mom was still heartbroken about everything going on, not to mention the dumb asses who won't let her have peace... I felt so bad. I have no idea what to tell my mom to make her feel better about anything. None of us have the answers. But as I was driving down 101 North, a bus in my review mirror had the words in the marquee spell "SORRY." For a minute I thought that was my Dad saying sorry for all that's happened... I'd like to have thought it was him speaking to me. then as the bus passed me it read... "Sorry, out of service." I teared up a little in the car because I'm just so frustrated with everything. My whole family has gone through hell and nobody will let me or my mom breathe! In a way, it will be good when the business is done with, in a way, it won't be. I have to look for another job, and I'm a bit frightened I won't find the one I want because I need to renew my license by Decemeber 3rd... maybe I worry too much?

In the mean time, I found a new hobby that's keeping me quite busy. Kandi making (or beading if you want to get technical). It has become a favorite hobby of mine aside from photography. I just love seeing the different patterns come together to make something beautiful. And the funnest part is when I get to give them away to people who will like them. It's kept my mind off of things that are currently happening right now. I also noticed a majority of the people on my Facebook do Kandi as well! and they have made extraordinary patterns by far! I hope to be a part of a kandi making party sometime soon. Maybe get a few pointers.

Life at home as been utterly serene. Despite the fact that I don't necessarily admire our neighbors (Because they are always loud all the time and play loud trumpet mexican music. and sorry if that sounded racist, but that's what they play). Despite that, Life is beautiful. I love my life at home. I always found myself dreading going home to negativity, screaming and pure depression, Now I come home to smiles and happy vibes. It's amazing. Not to mention, My honey's helped me blossom even more to the person I wanted to be. I'm more social now and I'm not afraid to talk to people anymore. I still get iffy sort of around big crowds, but I'm learning to over come that.

I've also been shown some new genres of music which I'm just falling head over heels for... Combichrist is just eargasms all day long in my car. Headhunterz is just hella fun to dance to, and K12, omg K12 is sick! Speaking of music.... I went to lupin lodge for the first time with my honey and a couple friends, and there was the first time I ever had the guts to dance in front of people! Didn't care who was watching! That's how I always wanted to feel! Just be myself and not care what anyone thinks.... It's a beautiful feeling.

Aside from my job problem, I'm so happy with where my life is now... I have no regrets for the decisions I made to leave my ex, in fact, it probably was the best thing I had ever done. Because Now look where I am at? I'm no longer afraid. And I'm just blooming out of my shell! Thanks to my baby. Life is good!

Apple Cranberry Chicken Salad

So last night I thought I'd try to make my favorite salad that I get from multiple restaurants (Not to mention fast food :S)...
Red Robin calls it "Apple Harvest Salad"
Wendy's Calls it "Mediterranean Salad" (I think)
And Sonoma Chicken coop Calls it "Cranberry Apple" (not sure about that one either)

But either way, I love this salad so much because it's so juicy, sweet and has so many flavors to it that mix so well! So I made it last night...

1 head of romaine lettuce (chopped)
Half a bag of Cherry Craisins
1 6oz packet of Pine Nuts (roasted in the pan until golden brown)
One 6 oz packet of Feta Cheese
3 Fillets of skinless boneless Chicken (cooked in a pan until brown)
4 Apples Cut and diced
Balsamic Vinaigrette (However much you like to put on it)


This salad almost made me go into a stoma coma.. ALMOST but instead it made me pleasantly full! My protein shake I had for dessert on the other hand, Had me laying on the couch because I thought liquids couldn't get you full. Boy was I wrong! Maybe it was the combination of that and the salad.. who's to know? I'm trying to do better at that!

Tuesday I started back On Sparkpeople.. I love that site! It keeps me so accountable and it helps me log my food in for the day. It's like facebook kind of. A social network, but with a health aspect to it. I hope you join me on there. We can be accountability partners on there ;) My username on there is Melitriot.

Still at my Dads work -_- This place is a tad bit depressing... He's dead and gone and I'm still here doing absolutely nothing...

Money is grim. And I so badly want to start looking for a CNA position somewhere in the bay area... I want to have a stable paycheck... It's terrible here.

I seriously need to do yoga and meditation.. My mind and body is so out of focus...

I'm doing better at taking my vitamins though. That's helped me feel better by a whole lot!

But it's not enough... I need to start exercising!!!! gah!

Living Life

Let's Get one thing clear, I do not smoke! No cigarettes, Cigars, (Or weed for that matter :P) But I was very tempted to try hookah. This is not an everyday thing (It's kind of expensive. But I had so much fun going here for me and my honey's 2nd Monthiversary on Friday! The atmosphere was relaxing and the music was awesome! Hookah is unlike anything I've ever tried! It's supposedly Tobacco infused with many flavors. We tried one called "Exotic Pink"It smelled wonderful and tasted good too. Never thought I'd say that lol. Hookah Really relaxes you. But I wouldn't do it all the time. Do it too much and you start to get a headache :s




I never thought my life could be like this. So blissful and content. When your obese and "settle for less" you think that's all your life is going to be, miserable and stressed. That's how my life was for the last few years of my life. Until I met Brett. Never knew someone like him existed. He's nothing but smiles. He's caring. And he has common sense about everything! My other relationship with my Ex-husband was nothing but screaming, yelling and negative responses to everything I wanted to do positive in my life. Not to mention he's so immature. Brett makes me happy. I want him to be with me all the time. I miss him terribly when I'm at work, or when he's at work. I wish I could've met him sooner.

He actually sent me roses to my work for our 1st monthiversary of being together. It was wonderful. I call him my Brett N' Butter. He's shown me how a relationship is suppose to be. I dont' doubt we will have disagreements here and there. But I can't picture my life without him now. I'm so blissful now. He's taken me out to dinner and shown me so much within the past couple of months. And My whole family loves him. Go figure.


We are still waiting for internet to get setup at our house. I can't wait. I'm so behind on making a youtube video! I miss being apart of the community. I hope to start yoga soon with Brett. I hope to get started as a CNA again too. So much going on! I think I'm high on caffeine. I'll post more soon. More recipes to come! xoxoxo

Cauldron Cooking: Dorito Casserole

Yes I absolutely Love Dorito Casserole. You're probably asking, "Is that really healthy?" Well for starters, this is a Weight Watchers recipe I gathered from a friend. It's 6 points of yummy goodness. And it seemed to be a hit last night at the house. Brett and I had a guest over last night and it was a pleasant visit. It'll be the last night I cook until next week. We are going out on Friday for our 2 month anniversary :) Not to mention we are heading out to LA for the weekend for Halloween Horror Nights. Should I wear Depends? I think I might poop myself....

Dorito Casserole

Tis' the Season! Pumpkin Protein Shake

So last night I decided to make me and my honey a pumpkin spice protein shake. It was so delicious! I just recently moved in with my baby, and I said in advance that I would show him all the yummy Weight Loss Surgery Recipes I learned from books and helpful websites. We are in fact, in the month of October, where you see pumpkins galore everywhere!

None of these recipes I make are of my own. I get them from other sources, So if you're interested in trying these recipes, I'm more than happy to cite the info here :)



Pumpkin Protein Shake Recipe

I am starting a blog here on everything WLS related as well as living just a normal life, maybe even an exciting one. This blog will include Recipes I find online and testing them out (cauldron cooking), Exercise; whether that be running, yoga, or walking, and Relationships ie family or the significant other, and some interesting posts about having adventures (dancing, sight seeing, or social gatherings of any kind!) Future posts are to follow!